Meaningful Employment, Unemployment & Seeking Balance

I haven’t been writing much, even though I left my job to  write. What’s up with that?

I have to say that life without employment – or life without meaningful employment – drives a person to madness. I’m not saying I’m insane, but in the past few months, I’ve been reading up on a lot on conspiracy theories and end-of-the-world type of shit. Originally, it was because I was bored and I told myself it was “research,” but if truth be told, it was nothing more than an excuse to not write, and I was bored.

It doesn’t help that my mother’s boyfriend is into conspiracy theories. He keeps sending me links. Being a naturally paranoid person, I sopped that up like a cactus after a rainstorm.

So here I am, waking up after a long five month slumber, looking at my life and thinking, “What the fuck?!”

My original goal was to write, and yet, given all the time on my hands, I have written very little. I suppose it doesn’t help that I have enough month to survive for the next 6 months, so there’s no sense of urgency, and I’ve fallen into a rut of watching television, playing video games and surfing the net.

Since there’s a lot of bullshit on the net, I’ve been pulled into the melodramatic world of comet Elenin’s portent of doom, survivalism and government cover-ups.

Though I have always had somewhat of a superstitious mind, hated corporate life and harboured mistrust for our government, it’s kind of gotten out of hand, as can be seen in my previous entries.

I’m afraid I am turning into one of those people who keep talking about living a literary life, but end up doing nothing.

I’m becoming a person who is completely full of shit.

So it’s time to buck up and do some work, because I realized something the other night as I was watching Haven:

1. I don’t really like the show.

2. I’m bored out of my mind and feel like my life has absolutely no meaning.

Though I contemplated getting “a real job,” I still want to work for myself, as I’ve had my fill of making a pittance in exchange for offering up my time and my soul to work a job that I don’t particularly like.

So it’s time to get to work, stop reading other people’s madness online and create the life I’ve always wanted. I’m bored, I’m going out of my mind and I’m tired of playing The Sims 3 and watching my avatar live the life I’ve always wanted. Hell, I can’t even play WoW anymore, because it bores the shit out of me, which is somewhat amazing in my mind, because I used to play that bitch for 20 hours a day when I was gainfully employed as a flight attendant.

So enough about Walmart and being bitter about my corporate experience. It’s time to stop mourning the world I live in and start making whatever life I can out of it. If I can make a living as a writer, I’ll be happy. My original goal was “to be a bestselling author,” but now I just want to make a living as a writer, a comfortable living and not necessarily one of fame. Famous people seem to be so harassed and depressed that I’m not sure that’s the kind of life I’d want.

Gonna go write. Later all.

-S

Hippies, First Nations & Community Ecoliving

I must admit something – I think, deep down, I’m a “hippie.” I live in a society and culture whose values I feel completely divorced from – accumulation of wealth and material objects at any cost, the raping of our planet in exchange for short-term economic growth and prosperity (even though the concept of money and economy are man-made ideas), and these things are seen as ‘essential’ in order to “progress”. I don’t see fish, birds or wildlife stressing out over an economy, over the stock market. If the stock market crashes and the worldwide economy fails, it won’t affect them – they will go on living, breeding, prospering in their own way, and surviving just fine.

Not us, though. We’re so dependent upon the teat of cheap goods and services that if these infrastructures and systems were to come to a standstill tomorrow, there would be chaos, rioting, murder, starvation and death.

When I was growing up in the 70s and 80s, I remember my parents – and almost everyone else in our neighbourhood – had a garden. My father sowed and reaped the vegetables, and my mother gathered, cooked and preserved them. I remember a green space behind our house where I could go down and pick fresh blackberries and raspberries (if you were careful enough not to fall into a wasp nest or get scratched all to hell by the thorns). My uncle had wild strawberries growing in his backyard – tiny little things, packed with flavour, tart and sweet and delicious.

We used to go fishing in my uncle’s boat, and we ate what we caught. Mind you, my parents still worked, but if our transportation system and food delivery system were to collapse, we would have survived. We had community with our families, our friends. My dad built everything – a new deck, an ahead-of-its-time solar heating system for our swimming pool by pumping water through coils of black plastic tubing placed on our roof. My parents weren’t hippies – they were hardworking “establishment” people, practical, hardy types raised in poor conditions in rural Newfoundland in the 40s and 50s. They were self-sufficient – at least in the 70s and 80s they were – and sadly, they passed none of their knowledge onto me. I was a spoiled little girl who was forbidden from doing chores or helping out around the house, as I was clumsy and had a habit of unintentionally breaking things.

As the years went by, my parents dug up the garden and replaced it with a swimming pool. My mother went back to work after I started going to school, so there was less time for gardening. Convenience foods became my diet – mac & cheese, canned soup and meals, etc. We still sometimes went out with relatives to go blueberry picking some summers, but for the most part, my parents and our extended family got swallowed up in The System.

We were so close.

Now my parents shop at Walmart. They get all of their goods from the grocery store. They still have a small garden of berries, and a few years ago they grew a few vegetables, but in our new and frantic world, there’s little time for such “pass times.” There’s work to be done…a societal machine to feed.

I think about First Nations people and hippies and I believe they have it right. Live in cooperative communities, living off the land, make decisions by consensus, be responsible for your own survival and don’t fuck up the land, because it’s the land that sustains us, and they haven’t forgotten it.

Some might be offended when I compare hippies to First Nations groups, but it’s not meant to be offensive. I see hippies as westernized people who have been converted – they see our robotic society for what it is. They see through the fictions of money, economy, corporate greed, workplace exploitation and the unfair distribution of wealth. They see the destruction of our planet and the death of whole ecosystems. They were raised in the white man’s ways, but have rebelled from it. They see the wisdom in the ways of First Nations people, and feel that the culture they were born and raised in is a spiritually, physically and emotionally bereft way to live.

Such a pity that the first explorers to North America weren’t hippies. We could have learned so much.

I see commonalities between hippie culture and First Nations culture – a desire to connect with the land, to thrive and work within an ecosystem rather than to exploit and destroy it. Though most people dismiss hippies as a bunch of drug-addicted, free-loving hedonists, I see hippies as a group of people who see how broken our society is and crave for something more meaningful, more spiritual. Native North American cultures have the answer, and it seems that hippies (or wannabe hippies like me) are the only ones listening.

I find that when I talk about my views to friends and family, I get mocked and shut down for wanting to live off the land in a way that doesn’t harm it. They laugh and say that the minute I see a wasp or spider, I’d be out of there (I have a bit of a phobia there, I admit). I feel like I don’t belong in this society…or, more accurately, that this society – this harmful form of industrialization – doesn’t belong in our world.

I’m not anti-technology – obviously. I’m a computer geek and love my iPhone and video games, I love the Space Channel and the idea of space travel – and I’m not saying, “Hey, let’s all burn our technological conveniences and farm.”

What I’d like to see is that technology is used for good, not evil. Any technology that harms the earth goes. Any technology that works with it stays. Get rid of harmful shit like nuclear energy (if you still think it’s “clean” energy after seeing what happened in Japan and Chernobyl, you’re a fucking idiot. The northern part of Japan will be uninhabitable for 300+ years because of this “clean” energy – and 25 years after Chernobyl, the area is still uninhabitable. Nuclear energy is NOT clean, it’s NOT “green.” It’s a scourge…if/when it melts down, we’re all fucked…not to mention all the nuclear waste being stored underground, threatening groundwater sources and the local ecosystem).

Technology was supposed to make life more convenient for us, it was supposed to free up the mundane tasks so we could pursue our passions – instead, we are slaves to it, because it’s in the hands of corporations that charge us so much money for its use, we have to work longer hours in jobs we loathe.

Technology needn’t be an enslaving force, nor does it need to be harmful to our planet. We have the technology for solar power, but because it’s “expensive” and it will displace established companies that sell nuclear power and coal-burning power, and since those companies have a lot of influence on the government, I can’t see them changing policies anytime soon.

I’m not sure what the answer is. Sometimes I think we should forego technology and go back to a simpler life…other times I think that there could be a way to use technology for good, like in Star Trek, and we could eliminate poverty and transcend this mess of a world we have allowed to develop.

How are we meant to live?

I’ve asked that question so many times throughout my life, even as a child, because I’ve always had this inherent feeling of wrongness about our society and culture.

We live in a world that is technologically advanced, but spiritually bereft and profoundly lonely. Lately I’ve been wanting to move to a smaller town, because as I look off my balcony at the view of downtown Calgary, a part of me thinks, “This isn’t the way it’s supposed to be.”

People are supposed to be among trees, fields, grow their own food – not be dependent upon this “machine” of a society, that, if it ever failed, would spin our world into chaos.

That’s another reason I want out of the city. I get “feelings” every now and then. I’m not religious, but spiritual – I was brainwashed by the church for 7 years, and discovered that Christianity doesn’t make you a better person – it made me a miserable person, being told that sex was bad, even thoughts about sex were bad, and they actually handed out little green cards called “accountability cards” that had a list of questions you were supposed to ask (and be asked by) an “accountability partner” each week, to make sure you weren’t lusting after the dog next door.

It’s this kind of “big brother is watching” Christian attitude that has resulted in our current government. As the bible that I don’t believe in says, you reap what you sow.

I feel that something horrible is coming. I’m not a psychic, I’m not some wacko, but some part of me has been crying out to get myself involved in a smaller community, so if things go to shit, it won’t be as bad. I don’t believe people are meant to live in a high-density population area like this. I believe the First Nations people have it right – live in smaller communities, work together – it’s how we as humans are meant to live – not surrounded by concrete, eating food filled with drugs and hormones.

I had a daydream once that the earth was a living organism. When I used to be a flight attendant, I remember looking out the window as we took off out of Calgary, and from the air, the sprawling suburbs looked like a skin disease – a blight on the land – and I had one of those moments where I wondered, “What if the earth is a living organism? What will happen to us if we keep going in this direction?”

When I see riots in England, Greece, Egypt – I see a symptom of a sickness. When I hear of rising rates of depression and suicides, it confirms to me that something is wrong in our world. Some people think I’m a little too much a philosopher, a dreamer, and they tell me “It’s just the way things are, Simone, live with it.”

Yes, I understand it’s the way things are – but does it have to be?

I’ve thought of suicide quite a bit. Not lately, but the thoughts visit me on occasion. I feel like there is no place for me in this industrialized monster of a world, where money is the only thing that gets you anywhere and spirituality and creativity are looked down upon as frivolous pursuits. I don’t care about money – I just want to be comfortable and self-sufficient, but in order to be comfortable and self-sufficient, you have to have money. Sigh.

I’m depressed tonight. Not suicidal, but I feel like I’m supposed to have this destiny as a writer, but I have an addiction problem – a stupid addiction, to be honest. I’m addicted to fucking video games, of all things. I play for 7-10 hours straight, and some days it’s all I do. I long for the land, the water, a different life than this, but I feel hopeless, so I drown it all out in video games. Pretty sad, huh? I’m hoping my boyfriend will agree to move to BC – I’d rather live in Nelson, Invermere or Osoyoos, but because of his job (he’s a pil0t) he’s leaning towards Vancouver. I must say, if I have to live in a large population centre, that’s the city I’d want to live in. People seem more spiritual there, more enlightened about being good to the environment, more open to the voice of wisdom. Calgary is a horrible city to live in – they tear down historic buildings to put up a box store. There’s no arts and culture, no soul to this city – it’s a city whose ruling word is “Accumulation.” I hate it here. I feel like I’m withering here. It’s the loneliest city in Canada, and one of the most unfriendly and bigoted.

Anyway, I’m tired. Gonna have a cigarette on the balcony, contemplate life, go read A Game of Thrones and go to bed.

Aboriginal Answers to Our Broken Society – Our Moral Compass Too Often Ignored

After writing the rant (previous post) that didn’t get published as a comment on Moneysense because it was too long (I had to cut most of it out and limit my comments to what I thought of Williams Lake), I felt like I was on the verge of an epiphany about native cultures, colonization, modern day society and humanity, but now I’m tired so I’m not sure I can bring this epiphany to full consciousness (and to clarify, I’m not on drugs, unless you count nicotine and caffeine, and now, a shot of whiskey). I’m tired, and when tired I am susceptible to rambling and weaving thoughts that don’t really coalesce into anything coherent, but I want to try. Had I taken my previous post and written it as an essay on here instead of tailoring it to the perceived audience on Moneysense, perhaps it might have become clearer to me.

Let me start off by saying that I am by no means an expert on history or Canadian Aboriginal culture – I took two Native Studies courses in university. Three quarters of my ancestors come from countries I consider to be the world’s worst offenders in terms of historical conquest and genocide – England and Spain (the other 1/4 came from either Scotland or Ireland, that’s still up for debate). I have been accused of “white guilt” in the past, and I freely admit that yes, I feel compassion for native cultures who have been displaced, murdered and generally fucked over worldwide – the First Nations people of North America, the Aborigines of Australia and Africans who were taken by force by slave traders, to name a few.

I see some merit in the culture I was raised – medical advancements (medical care, on the other hand, is deteriorating), technology, democracy (at least the idea of it – we don’t really live in a democracy, in my opinion – Western governments are mired in partisan politics and don’t represent the people who elect them, they instead whore themselves out to the people or entities with the most money), technology. However, there are things I hate about my culture, things that have never sat right with me, like exploitation of other cultures, the concept of an “economy,” which has always mystified me with its power over society because our economy is an IDEA, money is a human-created institution, and I hate it, and often wonder if there are other ways to live, if societies could thrive without money or our modern idea of an economy.

Sometimes I wand to perform a social experiment – get a bunch of smart, like-minded intellectual people together, find an island and form our own society. I have a nagging feeling that it would fail, end badly and would end up being a Hollywood horror movie with the message “This is what happens when you try to do things differently!”

I hate the fact that I live in a society that’s so…fucking lonely, so corporate, so corrupt, where a relative few have money and power while the majority of us live anywhere between poverty and upper-middle class. Most people sit back and trust the government to run things, but government itself is an idea – when it all comes down to it, people need food, water, shelter, community, air, self-expression, and love. Why do we need a government to regulate everything, telling us that this drug is okay (nicotine, caffeine, alcohol) while other drugs are illegal and will land you in jail, or who tell us who we can and can’t legally marry because the religion of some people says it’s wrong? Why do we have governments who perpetuate a system where we ship food from halfway around the world that can be grown and sold locally?

The only thing, in our culture, that we can get for free is air – and that’s being fucked up by various industries. We have to pay for water, we have to pay for shelter, we have to pay for food and, indirectly, we pay for community (either through memberships, internet/cell phone fees, restaurants and leisure centres). Basically, if you don’t make money, most people in our culture want little to do with you, but in my view, money is merely a human-created idea, and yet this idea rules our world, governs our lives and ultimately has control over whether we live or die. It’s always mystified me that I live in a world where I’m forced to work for a pittance in a job I hate so I can eat, have shelter, and can afford to go out with my friends and experience ‘community.’ I see this modern-day way of living as a machine that’s out of control, ripping and tearing across landscapes and lives, and it’s never felt right to me.

What always felt right to me was, oddly enough, Star Trek – a world where poverty is eliminated, racism doesn’t exist, energy is clean, the concept of money is eradicated, people are no longer divided by religious intolerance or superstition – and yet the mystery and miracle of life still exists, and an open, inquisitive mind is valued and new ideas embraced. I think we were closest to being like Star Trek post-WW2 back in the late 40s and 50s, when inventions weren’t stolen or sublimated by corporations whose business was threatened by something that might make their product obsolete – progress was encouraged. Now, progress (the electric car, clean sources of energy such as solar and wind) is hindered so that mega-corporations can keep making money. We have the technology to live a cleaner, more sustainable life – but we lack the fucking intelligence to embrace it, and we are mired in this horrible system we’ve created that perpetuates corruption, poverty and a poor quality of life for most people. It makes me afraid, living in a society where the interests of an elite few come before the needs of the many. Spock, if he existed, would point out the illogical nature of such a system – the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one. Jonas Salk didn’t endeavour to discover penicillin to become a multi-billionaire CEO of a pharmaceutical company – he did it for the betterment of humanity. That’s how we should be doing things if we are to have any hope of progressing as a species, instead of seeking money or celebrity, but I digress.

In Star Trek, all of humanity works together with other races throughout the world and the universe to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and civilization and to boldly go where no one has gone before. Russians and Americans working side-by side with Aboriginal people, Americans, Indian, Asian, African and Arabs – everyone works together to progress knowledge, using technology as a tool to improve life rather than to profit, making advancements in medicine to increase quality of life, prolong lifespans and eradicate disease. Though it’s not overtly expressed, protection of our planet and its resources seems to be paramount, and hints of our sordid past (our real life present) are hinted at as dark times in our development. On top of that, when encountering other planets with sentient beings they have The Prime Directive, a protective law that prevents exploitation and societal contamination, and people seem to be working in jobs that best reflect their gifts, aptitudes and talents.

Such a pity that it’s a fictitious, mostly Utopian world – it’s a picture of what we could be as a species. If only Gene Roddenberry had told us how such a society had solved all of these problems. I often used to wonder how all of this was done – how did people get their homes, how were these homes assigned, what motivated workers to work (I think I figured this one out, at least – they were put in jobs that suited them, and technology took care of the crappy jobs that no one wants to do). It almost sounds like a communist system (or perhaps bartering), but without the alleged corruption of communism, if that’s possible. I don’t know if the communist system is actually corrupt or not – the media has done an excellent job of demonizing it in North America, but I think both systems have their merits and drawbacks. Communism in its ideal state is perhaps benign enough, but like Capitalism, if you add humanity to the mix and things get corrupted and fucked up pretty quickly. Surely there must be a happy medium that can give every person a comfortable lifestyle, allow them the ability to obtain little indulgences, be entertained, sheltered, well fed and happy. Not like any of our world governments would listen to anyone who came up with such a solution…

…but again, I digress – I’m getting tired and rambly. I have a nagging feeling this post is riddled with grammatical and spelling errors and unfinished thoughts, but I haven’t the presence of mind to tackle it right now.

We live in a culture that seems to be hyperfocussed on short-term payoffs without regard for long-term consequences. I’ve noticed this for as long as I can remember, and thought it a self-destructive trait inherent in humanity. However, I’ve noticed that whenever our governments try to bring in an industry that threatens the well-being of the land or a people, it’s (generally) not the general populace who stand up and say no – it’s our First Nations people. I see them as a moral compass that the rest of us should heed, a warning that the direction of our “advanced civilization” has gone terribly awry, and we need to re-examine the system, talk to other cultures with an open mind and come up with a solution together. Communists aren’t any more evil than capitalists, although the impression I have of communism is that the ideals became too militant, like a religion, the very thing they sought to eradicate.

I’m talking out of my ass now…I know very little about communism, other than that in theory everyone’s supposed to be equal, no class structure, no wage labour – but I don’t understand why it failed so miserably in Russia. Oh God, I’m going off on a rabbit trail. Oh well, no one reads this anyway, and I’m not writing to any particular audience, I’m writing this for me.

Back to what I think I’m trying to say.

As I said in my former entry, we owe a great debt of gratitude to our First Nations people – they have the balls to stand up to corporate exploitation and government plans to take an action that, yes, will help our ailing economy, and yet will pollute and poison that area for generations to come. Our First Nations communities seem to have a clearer picture of how our society is sick than we do – they think of future generations rather than the money that can be made NOW, and what has always pissed me off is that no one listens to them – they’re dismissed as an unruly lot, troublemakers, lazy, drunks and criminals who sponge off the government and are granted free university education that many don’t pursue.

I don’t see Aboriginals as lazy. They are a people caught between worlds – the one they lost and the one they find themselves in – and that kind of shit fucks with a person’s mind. Many feel defeated, living in horrible conditions in make-shift, government-assigned “reserves” where white people fear to tread for fear of violence. Thanks to European settlers, alcoholism is rampant among First Nations communities, and the impression I have is that they don’t know where they belong. They are a people without hope, and to be honest, I understand not only the physical reasons why alcoholism is rampant in Aboriginal communities (they lack some enzyme to process alcohol, so it hits them harder, or so I’ve been told), but I understand why some people would want to drink themselves into oblivion when you look at this fucked up monster of a society we live in.

The abuses wreaked upon Aboriginal cultures is appalling to me, and yet though it’s not reported in the press, continues to this day, though in more subtle, insidious and more subversive ways. They seem to be a once proud people without hope, because they see the destruction that Europeans have wreaked upon the landscape. Their languages have been suppressed and lost, their traditional lands, culture and belief systems have been stolen from them, and a dysfunctional society has taken its place, this fucking beast that seems to be out of the control of the very people who are supposed to run it all.

One thing I have always admired about Aboriginal cultures is that they weren’t a scourge on the land like the society we live in today. When European settlers arrived in North America (or Australia, or Africa, or Hawaii), they weren’t greeted with densely populated cities or sewage-filled rivers. There’s something about urban life that just feels wrong to me. I’ve observed something about urban culture. If you take work commutes out of the picture, most people tend to do the majority of their living in a small geographical area. People have their favourite communities that they spend most of their time in, do most of their shopping in, and there’s a generally small geographical radius where people tend to spend most of their time. Another thing I’ve noticed is that people build their own community – a group of friends with common interests (or occupations or whatever) who they hang around with. I live in downtown Calgary, and tend to spend most of my time in about a 10 block radius either way – actually, it’s probably more like 5-6 blocks.

Despite the fact I live in a large city of over a million people that has an urban footprint larger than New York City (apparently), I have a small group of friends (and a medium group of acquaintances). I have about 180 friends on my Facebook page. In essence, I’ve created my own small community, which is what I believe to be the natural state humans are accustomed to living in – I have my very own “tribe” of people, though my “tribe” is not defined by race, but by common interests.

Lately I’ve been wanting to move to a smaller community with a population of 10,000 or so, and one of my friends thinks I’ve gone mad. And yet, it’s not madness that prompts me to want to move – it’s loneliness. I have a boyfriend, but we don’t have a lot of friends here in Calgary. I’ve experienced a lot of cities in Canada, and Calgary is, by far, the loneliest city to live in I’ve ever lived in.

Back to my point – I lost my train of thought after writing the last article, and the epiphany I wanted to write about has become clouded with fatigue – but I believe that Aboriginal cultures most accurately reflect the way humans are supposed to live – not in densely populated cities in highrise buildings, watching TV alone, but in small communities. Even those of us trapped in an urban jungle, when you examine our lives, live in small communities.

There are benefits to our technologically advanced society, yes, but it comes at a cost, and if we could find some kind of compromise to mitigate the environmental cost of technology, we would be well on our way of deserving the term “advanced” to describe our society.

You’d think, we, as a species, now that we have the wisdom of history to look back upon, could recognize where we went wrong and do whatever it takes to not repeat our mistakes in the future, but I don’t have much hope. I’ve always wanted to work with people in First Nations communities in some way, partly because I want to help solve the problems and do what I can to aid in healing the wounds of these people, but moreso, I want to listen, to learn, and to perhaps work together to come up with ways to build a better world.

I’m only one person, however, a person with no voice, no power and no money, and in this fucked up world in which I find myself a part of, I have no idea where to even start.

Anyway, I’m going to bed. I’ve had 3 shots of whiskey in the past 5 hours, though I still feel quite sober.  I’m not an alcoholic, but I could easily become one if I put in just a little bit more effort. I understand why anyone would want to drink or drug themselves into oblivion in this fucked up world we have such little control, where the human-created idea of money and economy decides the fate of billions, and only relative minority have the money required to have any say. I’m not a drug-abuser or a heavy drinker by any stretch, but give me time.

I suppose I feel compassion for the world’s aboriginal cultures because I feel displaced and hopeless, a victim of a system put in place by ancestors long dead, and I feel like I don’t belong here, that this isn’t the way life is supposed to be, but I haven’t got a damn clue what to do about it.

Aboriginal Culture in North America Part 1 – A Rant

I was responding to an article on Moneysense.ca, which had a list of Canada’s best and worst cities to live in. As I began what I thought was going to be a short comment about Williams Lake (listed as one of the worst cities to live in because of the high crime rate – I visited it in April, and I couldn’t wait to leave), another user’s comment raised my ire, and I found myself going on an all-out rant that was too long to post. Some fucking idiot posted, “Indians cause most of the crime, and they helped block the new mine. The only thing here is a great wilderness to explore, but then again I was violently harassed and chased by a gang of “First Nations” when I tried to fish the Chilko river.”

I agreed with the article that Williams Lake was kind of horrible – but the comments of that guy who said that all the crime had to do with Aboriginal people really pissed me off.

Here’s the post I wanted to submit, but it was too long (I added the profanity I wanted to put in my original post – I hate having to tone down my message for fear that some site admin will censor me and not post what I had to say. Profanity has its place – I use it for emphasis and to express outrage). Here it is:

———————-

I visited Williams Lake for the first time earlier this year to visit family, and I have to say that I found the place to be very oppressive. The vibe I got from the place was one of bigotry, animosity, hostility and red-neckery. I was profoundly depressed there and couldn’t wait to get the fuck out.

The downtown core was quite run down, which is a shame because if they restored some of these old buildings, it would be quite charming. Williams Lake has no diversity in terms of restaurants or shops, let alone arts and culture, but that likely has something to do with the plethora of fast-food chains and box stores, such as the recently built monster-sized Wal-Mart that roosts ominously on a hill overlooking the city. Kind of hard for artisans and specialty shops to survive when it’s filled with box stores that offer cheap goods made by underpaid workers working in deplorable conditions overseas (but that’s another rant). Combine that with the lack of culture – no music scene, no arts scene, no night life – what tourist in their right mind would bother making the long drive north to Williams Lake when there’s nothing to attract them (or their money)?

After our drive through the “downtown core”, I was left with the impression that the town wasn’t even trying anymore – a pity, since it’s such a picturesque area with so much potential. We were tailgated by aggressive drivers in their F150s and glared at by local residents (and I’m not referring to “indians” – I’m talking about the plaid-wearing, baseball-cap-donning rednecks who unceremoniously flipped us the bird as they roared past us in their trucks on a solid yellow line – we were already going 20km over the limit to keep their massive front grill from making contact with our rear bumper).

I feel a lot of compassion for the teens and kids in the area, because there’s nothing to do but walk the streets in purposelessness angst. There seem to be few prospects for their future employment-wise other than working at a fast food joint or a box store for minimum wage – or labour jobs – or if they’re “lucky,” low-paying pilot jobs that might get them enough flying hours to get them the hell out of there.

I’m not Aboriginal – I’m of European descent – but I honestly don’t blame the First Nations people for being pissed off at the people and industries who have no respect for their culture, rights and land. Good for them for standing up to the copper/molybdenum mining project – and by the way, this mine is the largest undeveloped copper/gold deposit in Canada – money, money money – so I suspect the Tory majority will find a way to push this through and ensure that Fish Lake (which is on First Nations land and part of their traditional hunting grounds) is converted into a tailings pond and they will do what our ancestors before us have done – pollute the shit out of the area until nothing can live there, exploit our environment for short-term gain, poison the Aboriginal population and do whatever the hell they want- all for the almighty dollar.

This is the same government that sent body bags to an Aboriginal reserve in Manitoba when asked for help with the H1N1 pandemic, so I wouldn’t expect them to do the right thing. John Cummins, leader of the BC conservatives, is intent upon pushing this through, and was quoted as saying, “We believe that those resources belong to every British Columbian, and for the government to pander to certain group is nothing short of the abdication of their responsibility.”

On the contrary, government is abdicating their responsibility to our descendants by decimating ecosystems so that we can perpetuate this fucking MACHINE we call a society, an economy. Such arrogance – apparently taking an entire continent and forcing Aboriginal communities onto reserves wasn’t enough for these people – they want to take what’s left. Our world will become an increasingly dire place indeed if we continue the mistakes of our ancestors so we can make more money in the short-term without regard for the long-term consequences, which our Aboriginal people seem to see more clearly than the idiots running our country (or the majority of our populace, for that matter). European settlers took an entire continent that didn’t belong to them by force, decimated Aboriginal populations and committed acts of mass cultural, linguistic, geological and spiritual genocide, and it’s still happening today, but more subtly – surely there’s a better way to run a country, a society, than like this. If the actions of European settlers were repeated today, they’d be charged with crimes against humanity.

I hope the First Nations community succeeds in blocking this – the chemical waste, toxins and environmental poisons produced as a byproduct of mining these ores will wreak havoc on local ecosystems, as well as put groundwater sources at risk – not to mention the health risks associated with living near it. These industries want people to think their operation is safe and “eco-friendly,” but they seldom are (especially open-pit mines). It costs money to be safe, and corporations know it costs a LOT less to pay out settlements for damages after the fact than is does to spend money on technology to ensure they’re not polluting the crap out of the surrounding area.

People in Williams Lake should be on their knees in gratitude thanking the First Nations community for having the guts to say no.

People shit on Aboriginal communities for trying to put a stop to these “job creation” attempts, but in my opinion our Aboriginal communities are an essential voice of sanity and reason in a society where expansion at ANY cost seems to be the mantra of our day. There is a lot to be learned from our First Nation communities, if people would put aside their bigoted and preconceived notions of them being drunks and criminals – they seem to be the only people who are brave enough to stand up to big businesses and short-sighted governments, while the rest of us bend over with bovine passivity and let them fuck us, and painfully. We owe our Aboriginal communities a debt of gratitude for being the voice of reason and a moral compass in our technologically “advanced” but short-sighted society, but most people are too fucking stupid to realize it.

Revitalization and restoration of their downtown core and investing heavily in the arts would be an encouraging start. Give the disenfranchised youth something to do other than walk the streets. Give them a purpose, give them something that makes them feel productive and good about themselves, give them hope.

I doubt it will happen, but the government of Williams Lake should follow the lead of towns like Nelson, BC, a town that has a comparable population, but is vastly different. They revitalized their city in the 80s after the closure of their mill by restoring historic buildings, and they invested a lot of time and money into the arts, and it’s now a flourishing community full of local artisans, musicians and independent businesses. Invermere is another great BC town I recently visited, and again, what makes Invermere such a tourist money-magnet, what makes it more alive than a large city like Calgary (another place that’s a mecca for red necks driving pickup trucks and a cultural and artistic vacuum) is its investment in and encouragement of local artists, local businesses and aboriginal culture.

I was in Williams Lake for 3 days, and I almost went insane with boredom. I didn’t feel safe going out at night (because of the drunken rednecks driving around, NOT because of Aboriginal people) – not like I would have even if I did feel safe, because there was nothing to do but admire the beautiful scenery.

To respond to the “GOD’s” comment above, ~IF~ the native population is responsible for the majority of the crime, it’s probably because of all the bigoted rednecks who discriminate against them, compartmentalize them, ignore their voice and keep trying to take more and more away from them. And you wonder why they’re pissed off and unruly when large plots of land are mowed down so someone can build a mine that poisons the land they depend upon.

I think Williams Lake could be so much more if the community banded together rather than pointing fingers at each other about the stupid mine. It would create jobs and revitalize the economy, sure, but at what cost? If you were a resident of Williams Lake, would you really want to work in a mine?? Decent pay, maybe (working conditions and pay are declining worldwide), but working conditions are horrible, and history has shown us the accidents that can occur in mining and the devastating effects on the surrounding environment. Wouldn’t it be far better to pursue something you’re passionate about and make money doing it without polluting the air and water of the town you live in? It would be nice to see Williams Lake do a complete about-face and go in the same direction as Invermere or Nelson, promoting the beautiful natural environment rather than exploiting it. Sure, Williams Lake is out of the way, but so is Santa Fe, New Mexico – and it’s been designated as a UNESCO Creative City.

I hope (but doubt that) they will explore and promote the beauty of the place, the rich culture that exists within their Aboriginal communities and promote the history the city, and work together with the First Nations community rather than against them. I doubt they’ll do it, because most politicians haven’t the intelligence or the vision to think outside the box and do something truly revolutionary, and would rather do the most profitable thing than the right thing. The First Nations community see this all too clearly, and I sincerely hope they win this fight and that the residents of Williams Lake band together with them, because this fight appears far from over.

On Reality…

My mother has often been somewhat discouraging when it comes to my desire to make a living creatively – often she has told me to “be realistic,” to get a real job and keep my passion for writing relegated to the back burner of Hobbyhood.

How’s this for reality:

You’re old now, and spent your whole life working in jobs you couldn’t stand. Your body is weakened with a slew of stress-related health problems – heart issues, mental illness, perhaps cancer, perhaps all three. You always thought you would do your particular form of art on the side, that you’d get to it eventually, but at the end of every work day you were mentally drained, frustrated and overwhelmed with a sense of bitterness, pointlessness, uselessness. Now you’re elderly, and it seems that when one health issue gets dealt with, another one pops up to take its place. You’re on more pills than you can count, and the side-effects make you drowsy and, at times, causes cognitive difficulty, and you’re so discouraged from the way your life has turned out, you couldn’t be bothered to try anymore. It’s too late.

So yes, let’s face reality together.

You have a talent, an aptitude, a passion. It’s something that makes your heart sing. You light up when you talk about it. Does your current job make use of your talent, aptitude and passion? If not, you’re in the wrong job, and it is my belief that the wrong job is as toxic and as debilitating to your physical, mental and spiritual health as a bad relationship, smoking, and drinking too much.

We live in a society that seems bent against artists, a society that changes people from individuals into commodities, cogs in a giant wheel designed to distribute wealth to a few executives while feeding the scraps to the rest of us.

Well – FUCK society. I’m tired of it. I’m tired of being a number, I’m tired of representing a corporate brand and I am SICK of making a pittance so some asshole in the upper echelons of the company can get a bigger yacht – meanwhile, I’m in debt up to my asshole and will never own a home on the wages they pay me.

No thanks. I’d rather make a pittance on my own terms, if it comes to that.

I’m not saying there is no place for corporations – indeed, there are some people who desperately need and love the structure – but I am not one of those people. Trying to fit into a social paradigm that demands I wear “professional” clothes that I hate, suck up to people who don’t deserve my respect, tolerate being belittled, abused, exploited and undervalued – it’s become intolerable to me.

Anyway, I’m hungry. LOL! Later all.

 

 

 

Moving Away from Procrastination

I’ve been living quite the decadent life since leaving my job as a flight attendant.

No, I’m not being fanned by palm leaves by servants while being hand-fed grapes. I’ve been playing video games.

A tip to the wise: If you want to do anything productive and meaningful with your life, stay away from World of Warcraft, Plants vs. Zombies and CityVille, because in the past month, that’s what I’ve been doing with the majority of my time.

Only in the past 2 weeks have I finally begun to pull myself from my gaming-bubble and started writing something productive other than, “I hate my job, I hate my company, I’m bitter,” blah blah blah.

I’ve been finding my creative voice, and apparently that voice is equally divided between writing high-fantasy, comedy and horror.

Yes, Simone J. Hardy, who closes her eyes during scenes of violence and has to leave the room during some of the more frightening scenes of a horror movie is writing horror.

I honestly don’t get it – but I’m enjoying it immensely.

I’ve always been hyper-sensitive to violence. I have an uncle who is like this – he “almost passed out” when he was watching Superman 2 during the scene where the three villains were beating on him.

I’m a little more desensitized to violence – I can watch an alien bursting through the torso of a human, because it’s not real, but violence that is plausible is something I find it impossible to watch.

For example, two weeks ago I watched Pan’s Labyrinth. It had a little girl on the front and there was a fawn in the movie, so I was expecting a slightly darker version of The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe. I was shocked to find out that there are scenes of brutal, drawn-out deaths and human torture. I actually skipped these scenes, or left the room (being sure to turn the volume down so I wouldn’t have to HEAR the violence, which can be just as traumatizing for me). I was emotionally exhausted after watching the movie, and it was one of the few movies I sincerely wish I could un-see.

And yet, here I am writing horror and writing some of the most grisly scenes of violence imaginable – and it doesn’t bother me. What’s up with that?

I feel greatly encouraged as of late. I wrote and, more importantly, COMPLETED my first short story in 18 years. I wrote it in a hospital waiting room while waiting for my boyfriend, who was experiencing severe back pain to the point where he would collapse at random. It ended up being a zombie apocalypse – which I don’t understand, because I’ve never been a fan of zombie movies, and yet there it is.

The next day, I wrote another short story. Then another.

I was getting worried, because after quitting my job to write, I experienced a bout of crippling writers block, which made me panic and wonder if I was an idiot for leaving a medium-high paying job with great benefits and a flexible schedule – that I hated.

I bought a book called “The Writer’s Book of Days,” and that seemed to help me break through the block.

Of course, I’ve been utterly unproductive for the past two days. I have a PhD in procrastination.

I’ve also been struggling with what can only be described as blind panic. I mean, I quit my JOB – the highest paying job I’ve ever had (about $40,000 a year, when I worked my entire schedule) – so I could chase the amorphous dream of making a living as a creative writer. I experienced moments of doubt, panic, feeling stupid, more panic – and yet, I’ve wanted to make a move like this for years.

There comes a time in a person’s life where you need to act or die. Give in, or fight. Give up, or try. And honestly, I’ve had my fill of asshole employers who ask me to sacrifice my individuality in exchange for representing a “brand” that doesn’t reflect me. No paycheque is big enough for that.

Perhaps, at the age of 38, I am going through a mid-life crisis, but everyone needs one, if that’s the case. Most of us live the first half of our lives, it seems, trying to get approval from our friends, family and society by doing what’s expected of us. I think the mid-life crisis, in whatever form it might take, reminds us of our mortality, that we only have so much time, and what we choose to do with our lives should reflect who we are at our core, it should be meaningful to us, it should incite passion within our hearts.

Wasting away behind a desk (or in a jump-seat on an airplane) in a job I hate does not incite passion in my heart. I have had many “dark nights of the soul” where I sincerely wished that I had a personality that would enable me to love being an accountant, an engineer, or one of those “sensible jobs” that would enable me to fit in to my family’s and society’s expectations…but no…I had to be a writer.

So after living 38 years of my life AVOIDING being a writer, I got to a point where I felt all dead inside, I was depressed and extremely bitter, and I grew a HUGE chip on my shoulder. I was becoming cynical. I think this happens to all of us who are called to work in the arts but, for whatever reason, we end up working in a job that discourages our talents and asks us to do something no artist should have to do – conform.

There is a place in this world for artists – in fact, the world needs more writers, more painters, more comic book artists, more musicians, more dancers, more carvers – we need people who make things with their hands and with their minds. Without us, what will our society become? A colourless, grey world of automatons and assembly lines, human factory farms.

Live your dream not only for yourself, because you owe it to yourself to do what you feel called to do – but do it for the world, who is in dire need of your art, your unique view on the world and, most of all, to be inspired by you.

That’s what I intend to do. For me, it’s no longer a choice, but a necessity of the soul that refuses to be ignored any longer.